The Drain Hole

Kallie Ricker

This is a bit of a controversial topic: to read or not to read on the toilet? DO books belong in the bathroom? 

I won’t even bother wasting your time discussing if they or if they should not be brought into the bathroom or about the cleanliness of bringing books into the bathroom. Do a separate Google search if you want to go down that drain hole. I am personally not a reader when it comes to the toilet. I don’t spend enough time in the bathroom to make any sort of progress with a book. I’m busy, I don’t dilly dally on the toilet. I am in and out and on with my day. I guess I am neither for nor against it. 

My boyfriend, however, can probably finish a novel in less than a week just by reading it while he’s in the bathroom. He (previously mentioned in the Soundcheck post) recommends any Clive Cussler book, all books relating to Zombies and Survival Guides and he also loves his audio books (where in the world are Sam and Remi Fargo!?)

Here are some tips on books to look for as toilet reads, if you ARE into that sort of stuff. 

You probably want something that’s not too captivating so you aren’t spending unnecessary amounts of time in the bathroom. But also good enough to remember where you left off upon your return. 

What peaks your interest? Murder? Sci Fi? Love? History?

I just found a Buzzfeed article showcasing books that are being made into movies and TV shows. Which I am all for! Unless the cast is all wrong for the characters that I pictured in my head (Hint Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey). I filled my Amazon cart up with about fifteen of these books, ordered five of them and still have yet to finish any of them. My boyfriend let me know that the Japanese word “tsundoku’ refers to buying books and letting them pile up without reading them. Which is fair because I do kind of just want to fill in my bookshelf for looks. 

Back to the bathroom. 

I figure you want short chapters so you have good stopping points. Chelsea Handler has always made me crack up and her chapters (more like stories) are usually short and hilarious. I’ve heard laughter helps you poop by balancing blood pressure and improving your circulation aiding in digestion. So you might as well grab something funny. 

Honestly, instead of reading while I’m sitting on the toilet I usually just look at how dirty the corners of my bathroom are but then never end up doing anything about it. 

If you are grossed out by bringing reading material into the bathroom from what you’ve heard about particles and sanitariness, I suggest investing in a Kindle so you can at least wipe it down before and afterwards.  

Here are a few more classy reading suggestions that I am basing wholly off of the title and the title only. I’d classify these hot reads as more ‘back of the toilet’ books than ‘coffee table’. 

How to Piss in Public; Gavin McInnes

The Naked Communist; W. Cleon Skousen;

Taking the Piss; Adam Hart-Davis

Toilet Paper Origami; Linda Wright

Spillover; David Quammen

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats; Francesco Marciuliano

Great American Bathroom Book; Stevens B. Anderson

Street Boners; Gavin McInnes

Poop Culture; Dave Praeger


These books in no way, shape or form reflect the views or opinions of Faux Fan. 

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